i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
