after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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