I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
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