Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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