I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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