maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
