At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
