Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
