Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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