His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
