Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
