I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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