come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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