i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
