Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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