he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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