I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
