Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
