i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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