They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Two words: blizzard sex
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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