And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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