i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
