So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
