I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
