I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
