is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
