May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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