our cab driver is having phone sex.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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