i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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