So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
