just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
