I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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