goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
