i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
