You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
