I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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