"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
operation have a gay friend backfired
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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