Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
