Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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