I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
