He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
