I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
