last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
