that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
