I cockslap morals
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
