Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
