I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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