Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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