You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
