wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
