And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
