I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
