Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
